I am still having constant conversations with myself on this subject.
Does subby see or hear the constant chatter going on in my conscious mind? I think I have given up in that past because I thought that subby knows and “this will never work if I can’t stop the chatter; but, then I remember that subby only acts on emotion. That is why we are reminded to stay calm and enjoy the process. Get emotional when you are reading not when you are fighting the chatter.
Finally the chatter is real but my desire for Liberty and Helping Others is realer lol (bigger) than any internal fight I might be having. Next I’m going to ‘give up’ the words ‘fight I might be having’ exchange it for ‘creating my new life’
The SIT: Oy vey what a fight that one is. In my head it’s “Did I forget to give JJ her medicine?, stop! your in a SIT”. Did subby hear that? “I really need to clear out the storage room, stop! your in a SIT”. Did subby hear that? I think you have the picture. It’s a constant battle, the same one I have when trying to sleep.
Reading: …. the career I have cho….. “what time is it? did I turn the dryer on?, stop! you are reading”. Did subby hear that? … down upon all the pyramids of the …. “I think I forgot to feed the baby squirrel, stop! you are reading.”
The battle is clear to me, old blue print, subby; but the question is real. Does subby hear all of that or am I safe? I realize now that I need to just push through confident that enough of what I want subby to hear is getting through. I did not realize until this year that I have been allowing ‘old blue print’ to tell me that because I struggle with the quiet in my mind that I will fail. How ridiculous is that!?
From today forward when my mind wanders I will forgive and move on grateful that I am caring for myself enough to keep trying. Grateful that ‘Eventually, I will find myself reacting to ALL situations which confront me as I am commanded in the scrolls to react” Yes I will.
“Eventually, I will find myself reacting to all situation which confront me as I was commanded in the scrolls to react, and soon these actions and reactions will become easy to perform, for any act with practice become easy.” I am SO looking forward to that moment. As I work hard to forgive myself for yet another blow-up. UHG! I’ll get this.
Whoa a second writing in one week. “who is sitting here and what did they do with Crystal?” LOL
I’m sitting here before the family wakes up excitedly getting ready for week 2 webinar and had an epiphany. (I looked up Epiphany and YES it was a true epiphany because it was a moment of insight, just a moment; then back to life as I have created.)
Anyway the epiphany was that it was not long before I was feeling ‘alone’ in this. I was already feeling as though my family was not going to support me, in fact they where going to do everything in there power to get me to quit.
I realize now that they are also fighting old blue prints and I need to help them create a magnificent mental picture of themselves also.
Reading Master Key Part 1 #16 “Life is an unfoldment, no accretion.”
I looked up ‘accretion’ in Webster’s pocket dictionary “Growth in size” or “accumulated matter” I feel it, I get it! I’ve heard it many times. I have said it myself 1000’s of times. I hope it finally just HIT home. WE ALL HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED INSIDE OF US, WE DON’T NEED TO FIND IT, WE DON’T NEED TO GROW IT. IT IS THERE, JUST GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET IT.
Did you hear that old blueprint?! I did now move on and let me BE!!
OK so I have learned something about myself; I have learned so much about myself but I’m going to talk about this one thing, ‘I do not enjoy writing, blogging, journaling whatever you call it ‘I don’t like it’. I’ve read and listened to so many people in my life talking about how once they got into journaling they felt sooo good. Bah Humbug is all I say. It causes me stress it takes so much of my time I just don’t enjoy it. With that said I will continue to try. I will admit that I have written some great things, and the experiences I have had in my life it would help other people going through similar things. I have written many times and put it in a file for ‘My future book’ which I plan to have someone else write for me, they will read what I wrote while I tell them in my own words about what they just read then write the best ‘you can do it too’ motivating manual that ever exists. 🙂
OK so now that I have proven that I can ‘dream’ I’ll get back to the real work, reading, looking for shapes raising my beautiful children; ok and some more writing LOL
I’m sorry you had to wait so long for this!
I can be what I will to be, I always keep my promises,
Today is my birthday. How do I feel? Like it is my birthday and I don’t want to do anything even though I am late with ‘all’ of my homework which I am so excited to get to. Do I really have to have a birthday this year?!! Don’t want to. I am blessed to have Loving kids, family and friends to force me to celebrate. I usually LOVE this day what the ……
I feel changes happening and this year I am simply observing and enjoying the ride. I love doing the work and even feeling almost physically ill sometimes because of the old peptides crying out for old habits. It is actually kinda fun because again I am just notating what is going on, building new healthy thoughts and feelings and then new life!
I always keep my promises, (oh and this year I have completed every item on my service card each week….WOW what a big deal that has been)
This week I am reminded that I know what I want. I know the 1 thing that makes me sing. So why is it so difficult to write it down in a story like it has already happened?!
Back to the grindstone again and again and again!! It looks like I am complaining but I am truly not. I actually am excited to continue the journey the more I work on myself the better I get. Here’s to my future me!
Well hello there, How ya doin? … here is how this week is going … huh
I got nothin. AND also so much.
I’m much more calm and observant these days just want relax and heal. I can’t seem to get an understanding of how I really do feel.
What I don’t want to feel is fear, and I think I am consumed with it. When a noise comes out of the quiet I do not only jump, my body goes into a panic, survive and protect mode! I am quick to become the strong Mom/ woman I am and handle it if it is one of the things that I am panicking about. The past 2 years have been hell in some ways and heaven in all. I am so blessed and my mission is to dwell on that, lol still a work in progress.
Lesson 3 #18 But the man who knows that he has a solar plexus will not FEAR criticism or anything else; he will be too busy radiating courage, confidence, and power; he will anticipate success by his mental attitude: he will pound barriers to pieces, and leap over the chasm of doubt and hesitation which fear places in his path.
When I think about the fact that fear, doubt, hesitation can all be simply eliminated just by being constantly aware of where I am allowing my thoughts to go? What more can we ask of ourselves but to respect what we say and think.
EASY! right?….huh I’ll keep you posted on how easy it becomes. As of now I feel the power of the reading. I feel the power of pride in taking much better care of myself mentally.